Friendzone: Getting out of it alive

Okay first let’s define FRIENDZONE.

Friendzone is when you’re romantically interested to someone who doesn’t want a relationship with you. In short you cannot be treated as ‘more than just friends’.

At dahil nahihirapan ako mag explain let’s put it this way:

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why she hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you’re a great guy but I don’t like it that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy going to a job interview and the company saying, you have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody else who is far less qualified and is probably alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else but still not you. In fact we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Gets na?

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But why do people get into Friendzone? Simple…

It happens when the person you want doesn’t see you as a potential mate but they still value your friendship. Most people end up in the friendzone because they’re trying to be passive about getting the person they desire to be with them. People end up in the friend zone because they lack the confidence to go after the person they want. They’re hoping the friendship with that person will lead to the romantic relationship they actually want. But unfortunately…

Most of the time this doesn’t happen.

Some people have the opposite approach. They’re so aggressive with their pursuit that they actually make the person not want them. Neither approach will get you what you want. So take my advice bro. Get out of it.
Pero nasa sayo naman yan kung ayaw mo maniwala sakin. Buhay mo yan, pero believe me that you can never be just friends with someone you love. Pwede ba? Kung sakali e madedefine mo na ang friendzone: level 99.

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Can someone get out of the friendzone?

Only few men tell tales of getting into and making out alive from the dreaded friendzone. Luckily, some of those men are my friends. So subukan natin pag usapan yung mga techniques nila, Okay fine I have my personal touch on this pero di ko sasabihin kung anong part, baka mang asar kayo e.

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Listen guys, here it goes:

1) Be Less Interested – The relationship is already imbalanced because you value it more than the other person. Take a step back. Being “needy” is no way to negotiate. If you are giving too much attention to that girl then try doing the opposite, gusto mo ng GF, hindi ng amo okay?
Desperate people end up with what others give them, not what they want. So, be less interested and ready to walk away if you don’t get the relationship you want. Those who are more willing to walk away have the power to guide the relationship (called the “Least Interested Principle” – Waller & Hill, 1951).

2) Make Yourself Scarce – Spend some time away from your “friend” and do less for them. If they truly appreciate you, then your absence will make them miss you and want you more. This is the principle of “Scarcity” – where people value something more when it is rare or taken away from them (Cialdini, 2009). When you are no longer around as much or tending to their needs, they will most likely feel the loss. This will increase their desire for you and their willingness to meet your needs back. If it doesn’t, then they are just “not that into you”…and don’t value you. In that case, find another “friend”.

3) Create Some Competition – Go out and make some other “friends” of the sex you are attracted to. Broaden your social network. Then, talk about these new friends with the friend you desire. Competition and a little jealousy are another great way to develop “Scarcity” (Cialdini, 2009). People value more what they think they might lose. If you are “busy” with other people, you might just find your friend a bit more eager and motivated for your time and attention. If you don’t see any “jealousy” though, then they might not want to be “more than friends”. In that case, set your sights on someone new!

4) Get Them To Invest – Ask your friend to do things for you. Contrary to popular belief, people like you more when THEY do favors for you, rather than when you do the favor for them. This is called the Ben Franklin Effect (Jecker & Landry, 1969). The more they invest in the relationship, the more you will mean to them. So, stop doing favors…and start asking for them. Get them to give you a ride, study with you, fix something, etc. Heck, even asking them to get you your favorite Marlboro from Aling Nena’s sari sari store has a big impact!

And last..

5) Stop being needy. One of the reasons you might be interested in this person more than they are into you is because you are giving off signals that you really want to be in a relationship! You might be coming off as a little desperate, which is quite the attraction killer. You might be rushing things emotionally. You might also be placing this person on a pedestal, because you’re so caught up in the idea of the relationship, that you’re quick to assume this person is “perfect”.

Taking It From There
Applying the steps above will balance the value and exchange in the relationship. It will highlight how truly valuable, desirable, and important you are to your “friend”. Essentially, it will raise your status and worth in their eyes. You might even be able to pick up the change in their body language when you are around.

Job is done

Note that some people are attracted to toxic relationships. If your love interests keeps getting involved with people who treat them badly, despite your advice, you might just have to accept that they’re working through some issues. You could spend your entire life waiting for them to “see the light” or you could move on and find someone who actually (through their actions, not their words) wants a healthy relationship. Sometimes it is their problem, not yours.


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