Let me share to you a story of this girl that I used to date. Yes we liked each other, No we didn’t ended up together.
She is not the easiest person to date, especially if you’re the jealous or insecure type (just so we’re clear, I’m not). She’s good-looking(standing around 5’6-5’7), (very) intelligent, and undoubtedly independent. Seriously, everything I’ve been looking for in a woman, I found in her. And she likes me. What more can I ask for?
At the risk of sounding ungrateful, there are a few pitfalls to dating the perfect girl:
1. It magnifies all of your own insecurities.
I once told my friend that I just realized she is everything I ever dreamed for a girl. First, she’s a chef (and a very successful one). Second, she’s a traveler who goes wherever she wants, whenever she wants to. Third, she’s really independent. Oh wait, have I mentioned that already? Yeah, I drool for independent women.
Now look at me. First, I’m a software engineer working his ass off to get the annual promotion. Second, I have a blog. Third, all I know is how to play guitar and drums which probably already lost their interest on me.
I’m like her reduced. Her diluted version. Her sidekick.
I’m not an insecure person in general, but there are moments.
2. Eating out can be a hassle, especially if she starts telling you she knows people in the restaurant who used to court her.
Here’s a typical conversation.
“That was a nice dinner,” I would say.
“Yes it was,” she’d reply.
“The couple next to us was pretty cute.”
“We dated maybe once or twice.”
“Who? That guy?”
Then I can remember one night when she said that she didn’t tell me there was this guy in this restaurant in Greenbelt that she used to date because I might get jealous. Of course not, I said. Then wondered which one it was, and if he was cuter than me.
3. You don’t want her to talk about her exes. Then you do. Then you don’t. Then you imagine random guys she probably dated and why she would eventually end up with you.
I was at her place when I saw a picture of this very good-looking guy on her bookshelf.
“Wow. Hot guy,” I said.
“Oh that’s nothing,” she replied.
“Someone I dated before.”
Eyebrow raised, I swallowed a little bit of my own spit. “And?”
“He moved back to Malaysia.”
“What does he do?”
“He’s a model.”
“Kill me now and stab me in the gut,” I thought. I looked at the picture, imagined the guy without his shirt off, and I started to hate myself.
“Oh, that’s not a real job,” I mentioned offhandedly and defensively. Then I started to imagine tearing the picture down to thousand pieces.
She just smiled.
Then I thought, “Please, please, please, let him be an idiot. Or else I may have to tell her myself he could do better.”
I just can’t help but be stuck on notation that ‘perfect’ girls are approached all the time, when they go out at night they’re approached, when they go out during the day they’re approached even when they’re doing the grocery shopping guess what … yes you got it … they’re approached by men.
So the result is that these attractive women (perfect 10s or almost) will give their phone number out to a lot men that approach them, sometimes they will give their phone number out just to get rid of them.
I can’t date someone like her or at least someone who dated every good looking guy out there.
But then again those were the days when I put commitment on the back seat, not my priority, not until now while I’m writing this blog.
People change and ideals change with them as well.