Dear Blog… Again.

I’m sorry if I’m writing to you again, I just can’t stop myself from missing you so much. Just kidding, you know that I only write to you because I’m a dumb guy who can only rant to a defenseless and clueless blog.

I just want to vent out some things, things that I already vented out to my closest friends as well. I thought that it will be unfair if you won’t be able to know this as I consider you my friend too. Wait, what? You’re not considering me as a friend? Fuck you!

I’ve been having quite some bad time for the past weeks (or months, I can’t be sure of). It’s a combination of anger, grudge and pain, can you imagine worse? Just recently, I was informed of something that (maybe) I think would’ve been better if I was left uninformed. You know how sometimes, things are better left unspoken? Or not discussed? I think there should be a written agreement by everyone on how to classify things that should not be disclosed, like in a Non-disclosure Agreement where everyone would sign and anyone failing to abide would be pushed off a cliff, hands cuffed, landing on a school of piranha under water. But I don’t want that to happen to anyone.

A friend failed me. A really close friend, that is. Someone I consider as a brother, someone whom I would take a bullet for, someone whom I thought that… Nevermind. But still, I can’t understand how something as silly as that could ruin years worth of friendship. I was already anticipating what he told me, but just like any other things that I am anticipating; I am not prepared on how I am supposed to react. I will not disclose the details here blog, even if you insist. Okay if you insist I’ll text you the details, or viber? What do you prefer? Give me your number.

I am not supposed to write about this. I’ve already promised someone that I would never blog about anyone anymore, especially if I don’t have anything good to say. Now if you are reading this, don’t worry. This is pure fictional. A product of playful imagination. Now close your eyes, take a deep breath, and imagine some flying unicorns and penguins inside your room. Creepy right? Anyway…

I’m writing this because I want to immortalize this feeling, the feeling of being deprived, the feeling when people think that you don’t know, the feeling of being hurt but you don’t have someone to blame. That inevitable feeling that the situation is stupid. This is stupid. I am stupid. And yes, I’m getting used to it.

So when I’m rereading my blogs, I will be refreshed of how horrible the feeling is. Just so I’ll know what to do the next time it’ll happen. But I guess this won’t happen again. I’m hoping, but I can always never tell.

If you’ll ask me where should I go next, what to do and how to do it? I don’t know blog, but all I want to do now is save what’s left. Friendship, that is. I’m trying to think rational, the reasons behind all those – keeping the secret. Maybe he thinks that honesty will hurt me, or I’m not ready for it yet, I don’t know but I want to think that what he did is the best thing to do. He is my friend after all.

But one thing is sure, the game has changed. It will never be the same. Things change. I will change. This is a permanent thing, a period of insanity, a ripple in the time continuum of my boring life.

No more nice guy moping in the corner, looking wistfully into thin air like some puppy waiting for a treat.

-Me, the idiot of the century


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