“Alam mo kung ano ang worst feeling na pwedeng maramdaman ng isang tao?”
Natauhan ako bigla nung narinig ko ang tanong niya. May kasama nga pala ko. Masyado kasi akong nalibang sa basketball game na pinapanood ko sa flat screen TV na nasa harap namin. Bigla kong naalala kung nasaan kami. Sa isang bar sa fort strip, nakaupo sa bar stools malapit sa bar tender na busy sa pag timpla ng alak ng hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang tawag. Basta ang alam ko lang ay bigla akong niyaya ng barkadang babae. kailangan daw niya ng kausap.
Teka, alam ko na kung ano iniisip mo, walang malisya ‘tong pagkikita na ito.
“Hey, do you know the worst feeling in the world?” tanong niya ulit.
“Diarrhea?” sagot ko.
“Getting invited to go out by someone and you realize that you’re the one paying?” sagot ko ulit.
“No… well, yeah that sucks too, but that’s not what I am talking about.”
“So what is it?”
“For me Gelo, the worst feeling in the world is breaking up with someone you thought you will spend forever with.”
I answered. Problemang pag ibig na naman pala ‘to, or so I thought.
“Do you know that feeling Gelo? The feeling that you always believed that you will end up forever. That you
are so happy because you thought you were lucky with the love story that you have. And you think that
you’re better than other people because you have this unique love story that you thought can be used as a
material for a romantic movie. And you know he loves you too because you saw him stay with you through
thick and thin. You were the happiest person in the world until…poof!” Sabi niya, sabay pitik ng dalawang daliri nung sinabi niya ang salitang ‘poof’.
Tumango lang ako habang tinutuloy niya ang kwento. Habang nagsasalita siya, nakatitig lang ako sa bote ng beer sa harap ko, bakit nga ba beer ang inorder ko habang Jack Daniel’s naman ang sa kasama ko? Siguro dahil ako yung beer type of guy, tsaka di naman lalaki tiyan ko sa pag inom ng “Jack Coke”, sayang lang.
“Yes, Gelo, that’s the worse feeling in the world I tell you. Losing someone who you thought you will spend
your forever with. Especially during the day after you and him called it quits, you know that starting
that day, things will never be the same again.” Tuloy niya, “I was so devastated then, I don’t know
what to do. I want him back so bad, but I know it will never happen. I have no choice but to move on. But
it’s hard. Especially if you have given up many things for him, and you realize that you both lost him…
and the things you have given up just for him.”
Hinawakan niya ulit ang baso ng Jack coke. Uminom ng konti. Tapos tuloy ang pagsasalita.
“It’s hard moving on, but tell you what, I did move on. I thought it was impossible, but I did. But it took time, Gelo. I was hoping to move on right away, months at most. I wanted to move on as soon as possible because the pain I feel everyday hurts bad. But I realized that if you really love the person, it will take years. It took years, but I did move on. I had
relationships and I can really say that I am capable of loving somebody else. Frankly, if by any chance, he
would come back after all these years and we have a chance to be a couple again, I will say no. I can
honestly say I don’t have feelings for him anymore.”
“Good for you! Then why are we here?” Tanong ko.
“Because I think I have felt the weirder than the worst feeling in the world.”
“I think I have felt the weirder than the worst feeling in the world.” She said again.
“What do you mean?”
“Earlier, I just received a text from a common friend that he will be married soon.”
“So what? You did move on, right?”
“Yes I did.”
“Well, I can honestly tell you that I don’t have feelings for him anymore. But I was kinda hoping that
all these years he’ll regret what happened. That all these times he’ll realize that I was really the ‘one
who got away’ and he’s the one who made the mistake and suffered the bigger loss. That he’ll realized that
he may have replaced me with a b*tch. That he acknowledges the fact that what we have was really the
‘forever’ story and we just ruined it, and what he has now is just a weak substitute compared to
whatever we had before.”
“I realized that all these time, it’s not really ours that was the forever story. It turns out that I was
just the prologue, the introductory chapter. And worse, I may have been just the ‘supporting actress’ in
the story. And it’s okay, because that means the person who is really my ‘forever’ is still out there,
and I am excited for that. But what I think feels weird right now is that he met his happiness before I
did. I always wanted to find my happiness first before he does.”
“But I know I have a good story in front of me, I have moved on from him and I am now enjoying life. The
healing process was painfully too slow, but at least I made it. I just wanted be the first to write
‘happily ever after’ in my story. But it turns out he won that round. And that’s a weird feeling.”
Deep inside, I understood what she’s trying to say.
Nag excuse ako at sinabing kailangan ko pumunta ng restroom. Pag balik ko wala na siya dun. Ang naiwan na lang ay yung baso ng Jack coke at bote ng beer na parehong bawas na.
And I have to pay the bill all by myself